Child Custody Battles Can Scar Children For Life
December 1, 2020 | By Hopeton O’Connor-Dennie |
Some parents think it is their enailable right to have exclusive access if not control over their child or childrens’ lives and exclude their partner. The child in the meantime may be asked to take sides in say a custody dispute. What a pity!
Is this fair to the child?
Situations Vary
Let us not fool ourselves in beleiving that all parents are fit and proper individuals to bring up children. This skill, if I may be permitted or be so bold as to characterize child raring in such abstract terms. Some of us wannabe parents are just not emotionally stable to handle such delicate commody.
No child was produced by one party. It is the product of two parents. The child should be shared by both parents. Whether biologically or not there is an emotional link or attachment to the parties. This involvement is by no means only tangible. For example I buy the clothes, pay the bills, but not allowed to see or have child visits with you in the case of an estrangement. An estranged partner was known to kidnap her own child and take the child out of the country to an overseas country. The court had to get involved and ordered that the child be repatriated. Both parents now have joint custody.
Sperm Donor
Too many professional and career type women claim they are too busy to go through the whole process of having a partner … so they resort to a sperm bank to get an egg. Others see having a child as as a form of fashion statement. It kills criticism of doubts about their feminity.They are usually indipedent and self-suficient. Having a child gives some legitimacy to being female. This appears to be what they seem to be saying. They are usually more than capable of taking care somewhat adequately, most of the child’s material needs. But what about the emotional needs of the child? Is that not important too?
Health Reasons
It is quite in order for the application of intro-fertile application if couples for whatever reason are incapable of getting a child by natural means. It could be due to low sperm count by the male or overary related issues by the female. She may have had miscarriages or may due to diabetic or other medical conditions it is not considered wise to have conception for health reasons. Then go the sperm bank route.
Surrogacy
Another female my decide to carry a baby for the childless couple. This is allowed, but be careful and ensure an iron clad contact is done. There are cases where the biological changes their mind and refuses to hand over the new arrival. Court battle to get cistody may take months if not years, and may be very costly. In such a case whose interest is paramount? Is it still the newly born or the ambition of the childless couple? The court has to sought it all out. Parties invariably lawyer up and a real battlefield is set.
Medical Experts Agree
There is consensus in the mental health community that custody battles can scar the child for life. The child in the centre of it all can be so torn that early in life they develop trust issues. This could affect their cognative development. Their education and ability to socially adjust in life may be another of the ills. The most skillful plastic surgeon cannot remove this scar. Clinical psychologists to whom I have spoken all agree on the danger of “personality scar of your child”. Do take note.
Shower Luxury
There seems to be a tendency to overly shower toys and other things on children with the hope that they will be happy. A sense of wel-lbeing can be achieved even on a tight budget. Even in poverty … with just the basic necessities of life a child can feel very safe, assured and contented if there is love showered abundantly. You reassure the child that you care. Pay attention to their school work and positively reinforce their efforts. I have heard mothers repeatedly telling their youngster how smart they are. This boosts self-worth. It also engenders positive personality growth.
Competition
Trying to outdo your partner, as if competing with your partner to get the child’s love or affection is never appropriate. Child raring is never a competitive sporting event. Was it announced to be a new sporting event for the next olympic games? Please educate and update me as that announcement may have missed me. I don’t think so.
Instilling High Moral Values
Which of the things will stay with your child for life? The toys wont, the big bed wont. The other luxury items certainly wont. It is a positive role model that matters most in the long run. Be trustworthy, honest, honor your word, be reliable. Set good examples all the time. Your child will be shoulders above their peers much to your delight.
Messed Up For Life
With certain self-indulgent attitudes we are scaring our children for life. They become misfits and get involved in all types of antisocial type behaviours. For example repeatedly having run ins with the law … just messed up for life.
Hopeton O’Connor-Dennie is committed to sound child development, he is also a senior international journalist.
